my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
