I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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