I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
