pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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