YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
