Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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