I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
