i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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