you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
