I love black thongs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
