ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
