I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
