i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
