who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
