he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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