Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
