Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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