i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
