I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
