Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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