I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
