i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
