life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
