my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
