So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
