So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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