if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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