You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
