I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
