nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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