How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
