i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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