If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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