Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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