I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
