I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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