Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
