Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
