Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
