it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
