did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
