I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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