i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
