My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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