Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
