I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
