This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
