Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You made out with two different species that night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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