They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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