i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
