If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im holly from the hills drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
