walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
