I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
