just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
