Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
